For men who like to do – A must read

Last night, my neighbour got more than he bargained for. He invited a new girl to his apartment. Meanwhile, he has a neighbourhood fcukmate who, according to him, has always craved an upgrade in role to a full timer. A deal he’s refused to ratify.

Now, they’ve been having issues for a while, obviously him trying to do away with her quietly without raising much ruckus. According to him, they haven’t been talking for the past two weeks, and he was thinking he’s finally free of the shackles of the home based side kick.

Just as he was about to go pick up his new conquest, the neighbourhood girl came around, ostensibly to iron thinks out, and maybe scoop some make-up s ex while at it.

Dude, understandably, didn’t want any of this inopportune visit, and promptly told her off. She ignored his protestations, and instead went inside to have a shower and change into something light, ready for the night.

Meanwhile, my guy’s new crush was already in the vicinity, and was ringing up dude to come pick her up to the house. It was obvious a mild drama was unfolding.

Caught between an old and new fcuk, and unable to think on his feet, my guy had no option but to go pick up the new bae, setting the stage for either a romantic threesome, or a disastrous head-breaking session. Talk of a menage a trois.

New bae came around, and he quickly alerted her of the development, insisting she’s just a neighbourhood crush who needs more than just a passing fling, and that she, the newbie, was the best thing since sliced bread. He pled her to maintain her cool, and everything would be fine.

I dunno if he himself actually believed that tall tale because, according to him, when they got into bed, he sought to cuddle the new girl, totally ignoring Miss homebase. Homebase, however, wouldn’t have none of that and snuggled up close to cuddle him too, getting him trapped in the middle of two voluptuous women.

He managed to extricate himself and cajole the new girl into going into the bathroom with him for a “talk”. The talk degenerated into a series of moans and purrs, and when they were finally spent, they stumbled out into the room, only to discover that Hell had no fury like a woman scorned.

Turns out Miss homebased, having eavesdropped and discovered they managed to go behind her to have a fcuk-a-thon in the bathroom, had already snuck into the kitchen, armed herself with a table-knife and ready to do some damage: a #revolution was in the offing.

Being a woman-mountain, she managed to pin my guy down under the pretext of wanting to have a talk with him, only to drag out the knife and aim for his chest.

Dude was fast to flip her over, dive to the ground and rush inside the kitchen and barricade himself with the other girl, screaming as he fled.

He ended up spending the night holed up in the kitchen, and only texted me this morning to fish out his spare key and get into his room to talk sense into the now passive estranged partner.

I had to employ some diplomatic dexterity in persuading the spurned ex-lover to drop her weapon and leave the house.

It was not until she finally left that my guy came out of his hideout with the new girl, looking all confused and visibly shaken.

Turns out all occupations have their hazards, including brostitution. This guy nearly got martyred last night.

Bad way to start the new month. I just hope he’s learnt his lessons.

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